so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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