I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
