I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
