and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
