please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
