i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize