I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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