Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
