Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
