Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
