I wannas sexs uuuuu
Apparently you make a good broom.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
