yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
