don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
