On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
