so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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