I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
