He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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