this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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