Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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