Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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