I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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