his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
