She announced her abortion via fbk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
