We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
