I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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