Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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