So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
