Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
