Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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