i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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