I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Mom said you looked used
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
