The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
