i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
