I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
