New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
