You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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