His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
