listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
