Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
