i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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