she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
