Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
