Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
