How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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