Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
