I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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