This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize