Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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