i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
one might say we're banned from that church
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
