I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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