Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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