Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
