so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
