the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
