Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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