booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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