apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
