I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
