he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
