He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
