you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
