I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
