Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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