I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
