to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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