i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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