at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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