FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I need moral support for this bender
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
