Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
