i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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