Jerry, you need to find god
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
